


leave all your love and your longing behind

by smoakoverwatch



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/M, Gen, idk what this is but im sorry, so much speculation and a vague af plot, stubborn vigilantes are stubborn, team arrow goes civil war
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-31
Updated: 2017-10-31
Packaged: 2019-01-27 12:02:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12581468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smoakoverwatch/pseuds/smoakoverwatch
Summary: When secrets come out, tension between Oliver and John boils over, and Team Arrow finds themselves picking sides.





	leave all your love and your longing behind

**Author's Note:**

> Okay... I don't know how to introduce this one. I've had the idea since July, and it's been growing since the season started and was fueled by the 6x09/10 title reveals. Also, I'm not the best at writing conflict so I wanted to practice that.
> 
> I hope you like it.

Things had been strained for a while.

So, in retrospect, this was bound to all come to a head eventually.

If Felicity had to pick a time, she’d say things between Oliver and John changed the day they all found out about John’s nerve damage.

Everyone was shocked. Felicity was tentatively stitching the nasty gash on John’s shoulder when he finally admitted it. The words, his recount on how it happened when they ran on the island made her nearly drop the thin needle pinched between her fingers. She could only listen in silent horror as he explained how long he’d been hiding it.

Dinah, watching on from the corner with crossed arms, admitted regretfully that she knew.

It felt like tar on Felicity’s lungs. She closed her eyes as he spoke and remembered falling on the island, running away from that explosion, the sound so loud she couldn’t hear John right behind her. Did he scream? Did he try and call out in pain? All she could remember was the ringing in her ears and the smoke flying up her nose.

When John finished explaining what the doctor had advised him, right before Oliver asked him to take over the crusade, Felicity finally found it in herself to look up at the man she loved

He looked horrified. There was anger, bubbling beneath the surface, but fear eclipsed over his face before anything. Felicity could see as Oliver pieced together the timeline in his head, guilt coming to surface as he realized he may have pushed John to hide the truth from him.

“John, I…” Oliver’s mouth opened and closed. He crossed his arms and let them fall to the sides, shifting from one leg over another, trying to make sense of what he was feeling.

“You should have told us,” he finally said. His voice was quiet, defeated, like there was more he wanted to say but he simply didn’t have the energy to say it.

“I know,” John replied. Finally, he looked over to Felicity, “I know. But I have it handled. Tonight was a one time thing, I promise.”

Oliver looked at Felicity, and both of them thought the same thing – his explanation didn’t make any sense. But he looked sincere and they trusted him.

And from that day, they tried to move on, but things had changed.

When he put on the green hood again, Oliver’s commands felt more biting, his eyes lingered on Diggle when he would instruct his team. On the field, he treated John with kid gloves, constantly watching and making sure he wouldn’t take any chances.

Felicity could see it from her spot on the bunker chair, so she knew John could _definitely_ tell.

And he hated it.

It made him stubborn, more reckless. He acted out and bit back just as much as Oliver would.

It was so unlike John, to be so short tempered, and it confused Felicity. 

The tension made the two stomp back into the lair at the end of most missions, even the successful ones, barely looking at each other as they changed.

The others took notice and didn’t say anything, eyes sliding over to Felicity at the sound of slammed doors as if to remind her that she knew both men best, and she should step in.

And wanted to, _God_ did she want to. But just when it seemed like things were reaching their boiling point, everything would cool down. The next mission would end in laughter. Diggle would stop by on the weekend for lunch. They were comfortable and easy again.

So, she kept silent. Her own family may have been two people growing up, but she assumed this is what it would be like. Some bad days, some good, some tense finishes but the happier memories to drown out the bad.

What she didn’t realize, or maybe naively tried to ignore, that it wasn’t just good and bad days. It was like throwing a sheet over the real mess, trying to ignore the problem until they couldn’t anymore.

And when they had to throw the cover back, Felicity didn’t like what was underneath at all.

As most nights were for Team Arrow, it was late. Being the same day as a full working one, everyone was a little more than cranky by the end of the mission. It was why when Dinah announced they were coming back, Felicity muted the comms until they returned. She didn’t need to hear Curtis groaning about his tired he was and Oliver barking out a reminder that this job was tiring.

She shut her eyes and leaned back, waiting for her team to come back.

She only spun her chair around at the sound of Oliver’s bow slamming on the table when they came in.

So, it would be one of those nights firmly in the ‘bad day’ category. That was fine, she could handle that.

“We are going to talk about this, John,” he thundered, but the other man ignoring him as he pulled his gun out of his holster.

“Nothing to talk about, Oliver,” John said calmly.

“Really?” Oliver raised his eyebrows. “So, the syringe that fell out of your bag… Just a coincidence that it was the same ones we’ve been finding on bodies all over the city?”

John didn’t answer.

Finally, Felicity spoke up. “What’s going on?”

Oliver didn’t respond, but held up a syringe pinched tightly between his fingers. She walked over slowly, inspecting the item with growing dread.

“John’s been hiding more than just the nerve damage from us, apparently,” he bit out. “When you said you had it under control, I listened because I trusted you. if I had known you were taking _illegal drugs_ to handle it maybe I wouldn’t have let you back in the field.”

“Oh please, Oliver, we’re past the point of you telling me when I can and can’t work,” John said.

Felicity could sense the tension in the room climbing, so she tried to step between them.

“Okay, I think we’re all just feeling a little angry right now, maybe we’ll cool off and talk about this –“

“You know, I’ve been mad at you before,” Oliver carried on, looking over Felicity’s head, “but I’ve never felt this _disappointed._ Do you have any idea how reckless this is?”

John didn’t answer.

“You don’t know what goes into that stuff, what it could be doing to you. How much money have you been blowing on it, anyway? What happens when it starts adding up, if you get addicted? Is it going to be worth it, John?”

“You don’t get to stand there and judge what I did so I can keep helping the city,” John responded.

“Maybe I don’t,” Oliver said, “But I do get to decide who I want by my side. And you, like this? Not a chance.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying you’re done. I may not be able to stop you from fighting, but you’re not going to do it on my watch.”

Felicity’s heart sank to her stomach as she watched Oliver speak, his eyes cold. He meant it.

“Fine,” John dropped his gloves on the glass table. “You’re forgetting I know how to fight without you.”

“Do what you want,” Oliver said simply. “Just not here.”

John titled his head to the side, as if that was that.

Felicity felt her eyes sting when he walked towards the exit

“Just remember, once you walk out, that’s it.” Oliver warned.

From the corner, where the other team members watched cautiously, Dinah moved towards the door.

“Dinah?” Felicity said. It came out far more scared than she would have liked to admit.

The other woman paused mid step and sighed. “I have to go,” she admitted quietly, speaking only so Felicity could hear. “I feel like a part of this is my fault… I had known before and I didn’t say anything.”

Felicity’s eyes blur and she shakes her head. “Nothing’s your fault, Dinah,” she insisted, “please don’t –”

Dinah put a hand on Felicity’s arm. “Let me do this.”

Diggle only watched as Dinah joined his side, his stony expression not giving anything away. His eyes slid over to Felicity, and his expression cut deep.

She saw five years of history buried in his eyes. She saw the months after the Undertaking, the weeks he held her when they thought Oliver died. She saw the nights he spent outsider her house, making sure Slade Wilson couldn’t get to her. She saw the long nights and conversations and the best friend she ever had.

She saw every reason she could have left with him, but all their history only made his lies worse. They both knew why she had to stay.  

When the elevator door closes behind them, no one moved. Felicity focused all her efforts in reigning her own emotions in.

Oliver didn’t say a word, instead picking up his gym back and going to the other room so he could change out of his arrow suit.

“Curtis,” Felicity finally said, her voice thick. She stepped to her computers and pushed her glasses up her nose. “Go with him.” If she didn’t feel so shaken, her voice might have had a little more authority to it.

“Are you sure?” Curtis asked, “because, I think –”

“Just go,” she didn’t look up from her keyboard. “If he’s going to be … He’s going to need tech support. I can’t have anything happen – just, please go and help him.”

Curtis didn’t protest.

“Go home, Rene,” Felicity said, trying to maintain the control that she was hanging onto by a thread. “You and Oliver have an early meeting tomorrow. Try and get a little bit of rest.”

Finally, when she was left alone, Felicity let her head drop in her hands. She exhaled loudly, pressing her fingers tight into her eyelids in an effort to stop any tears.

When she heard Oliver come back, she stood up. “Ready to leave, hon?” she said, avoiding his eyes.

He walked around the chairs and placed his hands gently on her arms. “Are you okay?”

Finally, she looked up, giving him half a shrug. “Are you?”

“It had to be done, Felicity.”

She didn’t agree. But she also didn’t have the energy to argue.

They went home and to bed without another word between them.

* * *

 

Oliver, Felicity, and Rene learned to become a team of three.

It wasn’t easy, but they made it work.

Some nights they had some close calls. Some nights they ran into the others on the field, those were the worst.

The others mostly kept quiet, but everyone knew that Oliver and Diggle felt the most frustrated those days.

Curtis tried to talk to her about it at work. Rene would give her questioning looks in the lair. But Felicity didn’t know what to do.

She just wanted her family back.  

* * *

 

When Oliver met her for lunch one day, she didn’t have time to get a handle on her tears.

“Felicity?” his eyes widened. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“It’s fine, everything’s fine,” she shook her head quickly, “I just spoke to Curtis at work earlier.”

Oliver shifted back in his chair. “Okay, and?”

“He was late for work today. They had a late night in the hospital, for John.”

Oliver tensed.

“And?”

“He’s fine. Or he will be,” Felicity looks at him with pleading eyes. “Oliver, I think we should –”

“If he’s fine, he’s fine, Felicity,” he said shortly. “Lunch?”

She sighed.

“Sure. Whatever you want.”

* * *

 

The alert and Oliver’s phone call came at the same time.

When she saw the words on her screen, she was already on her wait to the bunker.

Her mind replayed it over and over again in her head as she drove, gripping the steering wheel tightly.

_“Felicity, it’s William. He has him. We need to – we need to –”_

_“I’m on my way, Oliver, we’ll get him back.”_

_“He said once, that he could have targeted his school. I never thought he would – I mean, I’ve known Anatoly for so long –“_

She pushed down her own fears as she rode the elevator down to the bunker, where Oliver paced across the platform.

He stopped when she walked in.

“What do we know?” she asked, squaring her shoulders and walking to her workspace. He followed her, the two only pausing to quickly squeeze their hands together.

“It’s definitely Anatoly. Try looking for one of his known associates, maybe we can get some information out of them.” Oliver flexed his hand tightly as he spoke.

She fell into her desk chair, trying to take a deep breath before they got started. Her fingers shook as they hovered over her keyboard, the screen a colorful blur as she blinked away tears. She tried once, twice, to type her password in, but her fingers stumbled over the wrong keys as she did and it gave her error message after error message.

When she couldn’t get the words right, she dropped her hands onto the glass table with a gentle thud.

Behind her, Oliver walked over. “What’s going on?”

She stared ahead helplessly, not wanting him to see the full extent of her fear. “It’s just – uh – I can’t – I can’t get the password,” she tripped over her words, her shaky voice instantly giving her away.

Gently, Oliver spun her chair around. He crouched on the floor and let his hands fall on her legs, rubbing soothing thumbs across her thighs.

“Hey,” he said gently. The word always brings a sense of calm to her, reminding her that he is her steady rock in any storm, but today it does nothing. Her shoulders started to shake, she felt cold down to her bones and didn’t know if anything could warm it. “I know you’re worried, I am too. We’ll find him. I promise you.”

She found the strength to look down in his eyes. There was pain there too, and worry, but tucked away so he could take care of her first.

All she could do was nod, dropping one hand over his and squeezing gently.

Behind them, the elevator door opened. “Oh good,” she said, trying to regain some control of her voice. “You got my message, we really need you out there for this one, Rene and, --”

When she turned her chair in his direction, both she and Oliver froze.

Behind Rene stood Diggle, arms crossed across his chest.

It’s the first time Felicity must have seen him in person for months. Dozens of emotions cross by, longing, sadness, the tight sting that came with abandonment.

Oliver rose off his knees slowly. For a long time, all they could do is look at each other. John didn’t make a move past the entrance way, and Oliver stayed firmly on the platform.

“You came,” is all Oliver could manage to say.

“I had to,” John said simply. “It’s William.”

Oliver nodded slowly. He walked over with one hand raised in the air. John visibly untensed and took it, shaking his hand. “Felicity,” Oliver says without looking away from him, “Get him a comm. We have work to do.”

* * *

 

Thankfully, William was safe and sound before dinner time. The school’s lockdown caused by Anatoly’s men was lifted and no child or teacher was harmed.

Oliver and Felicity gripped William tightly when he was found safe. She heard Oliver whisper apology after apology into his son’s ear, and let the boy release his shuddering breaths into their shirts.

It wasn’t until late in the evening, when William was calm and safe in bed and they managed to get back to the lair.

When they returned, they were surprised to see Dinah, Curtis, and John waiting. Curtis shifted uncertainly, but John looked ahead with his arms crossed.

Oliver’s step faltered when he saw them. If there was conversation going on before the two arrived, it ended the minute Oliver and Diggle locked eyes.

“Thank you for your help today,” Oliver said quietly. “We couldn’t do it without you, and it meant the world to me.”

“Always.” Dinah said.

“Oliver, about these past few months…” John started, stepping forward.

Oliver shook his head. “We don’t have to talk about it tonight.”

John raised an eyebrow.

“Unless you’re going somewhere?” Oliver asked, his voice suddenly full of uncertainty.

John shook his head. “I think I’m back where I belong.”

“Good,” Oliver said. “We need you here.”

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!
> 
> twitter - smoakoverwatch  
> tumblr - overwatchandarrow


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